I tend to receive very little spam in my e-mail, but, for some reason, all of it seems to have been sent by Nigerian scamsters. Well, perhaps I’m being a bit harsh. Some of it may have been sent from Togo, and I suppose there’s always the possibility that I am truly the sole heir of a recently deceased member of the royal family of Guinea-Bissau.
The messages that I receive tend to be entertaining for a variety of reasons, including their far-fetched promises of riches beyond my wildest dreams, but I am particularly fond of the fictitious names and positions that the scamsters create in an effort to make their messages seem more authentic. For that reason, I’ve reviewed all of the scamster e-mails that I’ve thus far received in 2011 and compiled a list of my favorite fictitious senders (please note that all misspellings and errors in formatting and punctuation were present in the original messages):
Mrs. Mercy Yoon
Yahoo!! International Lottery Organization
(Note: I wonder if this lottery is Yahoo!! CEO Carol Bartz’s last gasp effort to save her company?)
Director Of Project Implementation
(Note: If so, she should have appointed a person named Donlucky to run it to inspire optimism in potential participants.)
Sir. Gilbert Bankole
WEMA Bank Plc
(Note: Talk about inspiring confidence, Sir. Gilbert doesn’t just work for a bank, his last name INCLUDES the word bank!)
THE MONEY GRAM REMMITTING OFFICE
(Note: I wonder if THE MONEY GRAM REMMITTING OFFICE is a Nigerian affiliate of Western Union.)
CHIFE MR Benson Kenneth
(Note: Apparently not.)
Dr. Benson Kenneth
(Note: Let’s all congratulate Dr. Kenneth on the completion of his doctorate.)
head of Audit department of a Bank in Madrid Spain
(Note: Smart, let’s keep the name of my Spanish bank to ourselves so nobody finds out about my potential windfall.)
MICROSOFT NATIONAL LOTTO GROUP
(Note: I guess Microsoft is following in Yahoo!!’s desperate footsteps.)
Mr Ethel Obiako
(Note: Mr Ethel?)
Last but not least, here is a remarkably bizarre and convoluted message from Ms Ella Onyema:
I am Ms Ella Onyema. A computer scientist with central bank of Nigeria.
I am 26 years old, just started work with C.B.N. I came across your file which was marked X and your released disk painted RED, I took time to study it and found out that you have paid VIRTUALLY all fees and certificate but the fund has not been release to you.
The most annoying thing is that they cannot tell you the truth that on no account will they ever release the fund to you. Please this is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria; you may not understand it because you are not a Nigerian.
The only thing I will need to release this fund is a special HARD DISK we call it HD120 GIG. I will buy two of
it, recopy your information, destroy the previous one, and punch the computer to reflect in your bank within 24 banking hours. I will clean up the tracer and destroy your file, after which I will run away from Nigeria to meet with you.
If you are interested. Do get in touch with me immediately, You should send to me your convenient tell/fax numbers for easy communications and also re confirm your banking details, so that there won’t be any mistake.for phone
converstion,please call me on +234-8051708534.
Ms Ella Onyema
If you enjoy receiving these bizarre e-mails as much as I do, why don’t you read Delete This At Your Peril, one man’s attempt to get to know the Nigerian scamsters just a little bit better, and, perhaps, drive them crazy.